Does hearing “just relax” when you’re anxious ever help? For most of us, it doesn’t. If you’re a woman seeking support for anxiety, you’ve likely been offered this advice by well-meaning friends or family. While simple in theory, this suggestion usually feels invalidating and can sometimes even make anxiety worse.

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is more than feeling worried. It’s a complex response involving your brain, body, and emotions. When anxiety strikes, your brain sends signals to your body that trigger a slew of physical symptoms, like a racing heart or tense muscles. These are biological responses, not signs of weakness or lack of willpower. For many people, especially those juggling multiple roles, anxiety can show up as constant restlessness, difficulty concentrating, or trouble sleeping.

Why “Just Relax” Fails

The Physiological Reasons

Anxiety activates the body's stress response in the limbic system, known as “fight or flight.” This process is automatic and rooted in biology, making it nearly impossible to simply turn off with just a thought. Telling yourself to relax when your nervous system is in overdrive is like trying to stop a speeding train by asking it to stop nicely.

The Psychological Reasons

Hearing “just relax” can feel dismissive. It may suggest your feelings are unimportant or easily fixed with words uttered by someone in annoyance. This often adds guilt or frustration to your anxiety, creating a cycle that’s hard to break. Recognizing your struggles as valid is key to moving forward.

Effective Strategies for Managing Anxiety

There are supportive ways to address anxiety that go beyond hollow advice. Here are a few evidence-backed options:

Mindfulness and Meditation

Practices like deep breathing, guided audio meditations, or simply noticing your surroundings can ground you in the present. Regular mindfulness helps slow racing thoughts and gently brings your attention back to the here and now.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Strategies

CBT is a proven therapeutic approach that helps you identify unhelpful thinking patterns and replace them with more supportive ones. Even simple CBT exercises, like writing down your worries and evaluating their truth, can be empowering.

Physical Movement

Movement, whether it’s yoga, walking, or dancing in your living room, can help release built-up energy and support emotional balance. You don’t need an intense fitness routine; anything that feels enjoyable and sustainable will help.

The Importance of Healthy Eating

Nourishing your body with regular, balanced meals supports mood and energy. Rather than restricting foods, focus on including a variety of options that make you feel good physically and emotionally.

Creating a Personalized Anxiety Management Plan

No two people experience anxiety in the exact same way. Take time to notice what works for you. You might blend morning walks, journaling, and supportive therapy sessions. Adjust your plan as life changes and be gentle with yourself when setbacks happen.

When to Seek Professional Help

If anxiety is interfering with your daily life, relationships, or feels unmanageable, seeking professional support is a strong step forward. A trained therapist can work with you to explore tailored strategies and provide compassionate guidance and support.

For Those Offering This Advice…

Think twice before uttering “Just relax!” as a reflexive response. It may be clear to you that your aim is to help your loved one calm down, but those words rarely offer support. Try sharing validation for the emotional state you see your loved one in and remind them you are there to help. A few examples of this:

“I can see you are really stressed. I am here to support you."

“Let’s both take a deep breath and pause. We can figure this out together.”

“It makes sense you are overwhelmed. It’s okay to take a break for a minute before you do the next thing.”