The words you choose have power, especially the ones you use to talk about yourself. When you're navigating your emotions, a simple shift in language can change everything.
"I am" is a statement of identity. When you say, "I am anxious," you might be unintentionally equating your entire being with that single emotion. This language can suggest that anxiety is a permanent, defining part of who you are. It can make an emotion feel like an unchangeable trait, leaving you feeling stuck and overwhelmed. If you are your sadness, how can you ever be anything else?
In contrast, "I feel" gently separates you from your emotion. Saying "I feel anxious" frames the anxiety as a temporary experience you're having, not who you are. Feelings are temporary. They come and go, like weather patterns. You might feel a storm of anger or a fog of sadness, but you know it will be sunny again one day. This phrasing gives you space to observe your emotions without letting them define you. It acknowledges a feeling's presence while recognizing its temporary state.
Think about it this way: you wouldn't say: "I am a headache." You'd say: "I have a headache." You deserve to treat your emotions with that same understanding of fluctuation. You are not your anger. You are a person who is currently feeling anger.
As the mother of a 4-year-old, I encounter this frequently as my son tries to identify his feelings. When he began preschool, he understandably felt a bit shy when approaching the other children in his class. However, this turned into a month-long identity crisis of “Mommy, I’m shy.” I explained that it was normal to feel shy the first few days of school, but that he had made many new friends and seemed to play well with his friends. We were able to agree that he felt nervous, but that as a person, he was quite silly and outgoing.
If you’re ready to explore your emotions with more self-awareness and kindness, I can help. Reach out today to schedule a therapy consultation in Arlington, VA and take the next step toward a healthier relationship with your feelings—contact me to get started.